This was the first short story I finished after moving to Boston.
There's no wind in the late May evening. The heat and humidity frustrate Lucy to the point of tears. She's propped her feet up on the windowsill, with the fan blowing the hot air around. She sips whiskey, and rubs the cool glass across her chest. Her thin sundress clings to her body like a second skin. A single bead of sweat runs down her neck, between her breasts, on to her slightly round belly, where undiscovered life has just begun to stir. She opens her eyes to the little clock/radio across the room, John's late. Probably stopped off at Abel's Lounge for a couple of rounds with the boys. She swallows the last of the whiskey and sucks on one of the two ice cubes. There's a salad and some left over spaghetti in the fridge. The thought crosses her mind to cook something, but it's just too damn hot.
Outside, in the empty lot next door, the little kids from the apartment below, are playing war. Their mother has been shouting out the window for them for over an hour, but they ignore her, making machine gun noises and yelling, "Ya dead! Ya DEAD!" But when the #10 bus arrives, and their father gets off, they run inside, dodging the large hands swatting at their heads.
A lone cockroach runs across the floor, heading for a crack in the wall, abandoning this apartment in search of food. Lucy drops her feet to the floor nearly crushing it. She pours herself another half glass of whiskey and adds two more ice cubes. She puts on a tape, and sways and dances back to the window, singing softly. Before she sits down, a black BMW cruises down the street, bass system thumping, rattling all the windows. Lucy grits her teeth and wishes for a bazooka.
There's only a faint glow of sunshine over the buildings as night begins to set in again. Steel doors rattle and clang, closing over shop windows. The smells from the pizza joint on the corner fill the neighborhood. Grave girls on the corner-tacky queens on the stoop. Cops prowl the streets, looking them all over real good. The homeless with their hands out to anyone who passes. Desperate Angels polishing their rusted haloes. Herds of look alike college kids heading for the T, to take them to their weedy clubs to dance to their hollow music. The Irish gang hangs around outside of Nick's Subs. The black gang hangs around the building where three of them live. The street divides them; they size each other up, trying to pose tougher than the other.
Lucy takes her drink out onto the fire escape, and leans over the rail. An easy, light wind kicks up, blowing her sweat-matted hair in her face. She pushes it back, looking at the black clouds rolling in. The man on the radio had said rain was coming. Maybe it will take the edge off this heat.
She looks around at all the little lives lit up in their apartment windows; watching television, eating dinner, talking, arguing, ignoring each other, reading, some inanimate, alone together, or just plain alone-Dejected, blue, broken, getting home from work, leaving for work, checking the paper for work, embracing, shoving, going over the bills, writing checks, loving, suffering. There are the bruised women, nervously smoking, fixing dinner for their men. And the broken men, drinking away the fear, longing for a woman's soft touch.
Lucy looks up and down the street, and then realizes the kids from downstairs are crowded on the landing below looking up her dress. She spreads her legs a bit to give them a better look, and smiles to herself, but she then feels guilty for probably encouraging them. She closes her legs and looks down at them and they bolt inside.
A rusted red Plymouth pulls up to the curb, where a scrawny, bleached blonde girl, in a leather skirt, and a torn green t-shirt leans on stair rails. She listlessly struts over, flicking her cigarette away. She bends down and sticks her head in the passenger window. She laughs loudly and gets inside. The car pulls away, as it passes the black guys, one of them yells, "Wear a condom!" All his buddies crack up and smack him on the back. Even the stone-faced Irish guys grin and nod.
Tension hangs in the air all the time now. Some fights have broken out between blacks and Irish, because this has always been an Irish neighborhood. A lot of people feel they are being squeezed out, but not just by the blacks. A lot of families use to live here, but more and more college kids have moved in, and the landlords have raised the rents so high. So blood has spilled; the Irish guys trying to hold on to what's theirs, and the blacks just trying to get a foot hold in the world. And nobody cries when a college kid gets the crap kicked out of him.
Lucy swallows a mouthful of her drink, choking it down hard, and shaking her head. A shiver dances down her body, and she opens her eyes to the ancient buildings, that must have been beautiful at some point, but now ugliness abounds. It is ugly, and it gets worse everyday. She misses the rolling green hills of Tennessee. The sweet, clear air, the openness of the land. She takes another drink at the thought of the way her mother cried when Lucy got in to her old boy friend's car, and she wonders, like a million times before, if her mother could ever forgive and let her come home again.
Down the street, around the corner, voices explode in a mad storm, a woman is screaming like someone has been murdered. "I'm gonna kill that bitch if she don't shut up!" They're trying to get the man to calm down and go back inside before someone calls the cops. But he don't give a fuck. Another woman yells, "Watch it!" And another women scream. Then men are in a panic, telling him to get the fuck out of here, why'd he have to go and do that, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that! Lucy's heart is pounding, as she leans over the rail, staring down the direction of the fight. Everyone on the street tenses up. A couple of the Irish guys run down the street. The blacks move down together, with more caution. Then the sirens start, and everyone goes running.
Lucy goes back inside and turns up the rest of her drink, and begins fixing another. Her hands are shaking and some spills on the counter. She cusses loudly, slamming the bottle on the counter, splashing out more. She leans against the refrigerator, realizing she is drunk. She gets two more ice cubes from the freezer, and takes her drink, leaving the spilled whiskey. She has to wonder, again, why she ever moved up here. She stretches out on the ratty old couch, and closes her eyes, taking deep breaths between sips. The loneliness of the apartment often gets to her in the worst way. She tries to fight it, by thinking about being wrapped in John's thick loving arms-His bourbon breath on the back of her neck, kissing her shoulders, running his rough fingers over her nipples. She sighs and shudders, and takes another sip. She sets the drink down, and hugs herself, burying her face in the back of the couch. She breathes deep his scent and chokes back the inevitable tears. The tape stopped a minute ago, but the songs still echo around the room, like a gentle kiss good bye, filling the air with blue despair.
A tear escapes and she sits up disgusted and knocks back the drink and cusses the clock and she cusses the phone for not ringing and she cusses Abel's Lounge because she isn't there. She's usually there with him, watching him shoot pool, and take everyone's money. She sits with the other girlfriends and wives, and they joke with the waitresses, and they all flirt with old Leonard, who works the bar. But the best is the dancing. She loves the way John grabs her hand, pulling her out of the booth, swinging her around, not ever giving a damn that there is no room for dancing. He has the devil of his youth in his eyes when he dances. Lucy pours another drink, and cusses him for not coming to get her, or at least calling, to tell her to come down.
When they met, they were both traveling down their own private roads to self-destruction. They found salvation in each other, and have since relied on one another to get through those long nights, when the mind wanders in to those dark corners where the hard memories are always waiting. And there are the ghosts who are always talking a line of shit about this or that. They'll taunt you like children holding you down and smacking your face. They know how to get at you, and hurt you, and make you turn on yourself and everyone else around you. There are all kinds of ways to shut them up, and you have to shut them up or you go crazy. You do anything for a little peace and quiet in your head; You drink, you snort, you shoot up, you slice your arms with razors, or whatever's handy, you get into punch outs at bars...And by morning, all's quiet, but you have a lot to answer for. Sometimes you're sitting in the county lock, or looking for a new job, sometimes you're sneaking out of a stranger's bed, and then there's the times you wake up strapped to a hospital bed, bandaged and sedated, tubes in your mouth or nose, doctors, nurses, and cops standing over you, asking questions rapid fire. And you can't talk about the ghosts or all the messed up things they've been telling you.
It wasn't love at first sight for John and Lucy. Simply two fucked individuals looking for another fucked individual to spend the night with. One night turned into five years, and they pulled each other through hell, and salvaged their lives- Love and understanding was the best therapy either one of them could ever have. The voices in the night are still there, they'll always be there, but they're a hell of a lot quieter now.
Raindrops tap the window, slowly at first, and then building; the windowsill is very wet when Lucy shuts the window. She watches the kids running inside, calling it a night, at least until the rain lets up. Vapid dance music is coming from next door. Lucy pours another drink and flips the tape. She sits down at the table and closes her eyes, slowly emptying the glass again. Side two stops and Lucy is snoring lightly.
The phone rings, and she wakes with a start, knocking her glass off the table. She stares at the phone in disbelief for a second, wondering if it really rang. It did and it does for a second time. She grabs it up and before she gets it to her ear she can hear loud music and laughter.
"Lucy! Whatcha doin', darlin'?"
"Mmm, oh, nuthin'."
"You wanna come down to Abel's? Ever'ahbody's here!"
"Yea, yea. I'll come down," she smiles with relief.
"Hey, I woulda called sooner, but I hadn't planned on being here so long, you know, and I wasn't paying attention to the time, then ever'ahbody started showing up, and..."
"Yea..."
"You know..."
"Yea..."
"Yea, so Heather's gonna pick you up!"
"Ok."
"Five minutes?"
"Great, I'll be ready."
"All right then, I'll sew you inna few!"
"I love you, John."
"I love you too!"
Lucy hangs up the phone, smiling widely, wanting to scream with joy, so happy, coming to life, and skipping across the room to the bathroom. She checks her face and brushes her hair, then slips out of her dress, and takes her jeans off the hook on the door, and gets her black t shirt out of the closet. One last look in the mirror, and she grabs her purse and keys, and runs out the door, and down the steps to meet Heather.
As she gets to the last landing, before reaching the lobby, and uneasiness falls over her, stopping her dead in her tracks. Someone is sobbing, stumbling, down there. Lucy waits in dim silence, breathing quickly, afraid to move, dizzy with drink. She slowly begins to descend the last flight of stairs.
She gets to the bottom, and sees the scrawny bleached blonde girl walking toward her, holding on to the wall for support. Her eyes are swollen and red, and her mouth is bloody. She walks with her legs close together, moving stiffly, bent forward slightly. She's holding her gut, and holding her skirt up. She's clutching a few dollars in her fist.
Lucy runs to her, but the girl backs away, shielding her face, her skirt slides down her legs, there's blood in her pubic hairs.
"Honey, let me help you! C'mon, we'll call the cops!"
"No, I'm ok, just let me go, just leave me alone..." She pushes past Lucy, heading for the stairs, pulling her skirt up over her bruised ass.
Lucy nearly throws up watching her go up the stairs. A wave of fear spreads through her body. She turns around quickly, making sure there's no one behind her. She absently walks toward the door, doubting what she just saw. Heather is double-parked; she unlocks the passenger side door when she sees Lucy. Lucy collapses in the seat, pale and shaken.
"Damn, Lucy, did you see that girl?"
Lucy nods slowly.
"Is she all right?"
Lucy shrugs.
"Jesus, this neighborhood's going to hell."
The rain's coming down in buckets, and Heather's driving too fast. Lucy has both hands on the dashboard, praying they make it to the bar in one piece. She can tell Heather's already had a few; she's talking too loud and slurring her words.
"Straight to flippin' hell, you know?"
"Yea...Watch that truck!"
"Jesus, Lucy, you'd think I ain't never drove before! I saw the truck, you just need to relax, sweetheart!"
They park behind Abel's. The lot isn't half full, though it rarely is. Lucy gets out of the car, weak in the knees, thanking God for not letting them die. She takes a deep breath, pulling herself together, as she walks through the door, with Heather's arm around her shoulders. The band is playing "Chain of Fools"; Sarah is leaning on the guitarist with her gin and tonic while she sings. Lucy finds John in the back; he's dropping the eight ball in the side pocket, the boys slapping his back in congratulations.
Jason shaking his head, "No fucking way, man. C'mon, one more game."
"I've beat you five times now. Give it a rest before I have to take your whole paycheck."
Lucy takes his hand, "Are you gamblin' again?"
"Um, yea, honey, but I'm winning!"
"Well, all right then, buy me a drink, my man!"
"How abouts a dance first? Scuse me boys." He shines down at her with his big crooked grin that always makes her melt.
They pull each other close, and away from the others, into the corner near the small stage, as the band settles into a slow, dirty groove, the guitar coming through like a filthy thought. Lucy leans into John's chest, kissing his collarbone lightly, running her hands up and down his biceps, while he holds her hips tightly, kissing the top of her head, smelling her shampoo and sweat, feeling good to have her near.
The tears start, and there's nothing she can do about them. She doesn't want to do anything with them anyway, let them come, she has John now, she doesn't have to be strong, she can cry and let him take care of her. She shudders, with the night running through her, and she looks up with wet cheeks, sucking on her bottom lip, reaching up and caressing his face. He looks into her sadness, concerned, hurt and speechless. She looks down again, resting the side of her face against his chest. He pulls her to a booth, away from the band.
"Lucy, why're you crying? What's wrong?”
She shakes her head, while she tries to summon up the words. She opens her mouth and it comes in a flood; the loneliness, the neighborhood, the fear, her homesickness...She pauses before she tells about the girl, and thinks about her face again...And she thinks about how she felt the morning she looked in the mirror and saw just what that poor girl would be seeing in her mirror. John strokes her hair while she sobs.
Vicky comes around and John orders a couple of stouts. By now, Heather has told almost everyone about the girl, and a few have asked Lucy if she knew the girl.
Lucy shakes her head, sipping her beer, "No, I've only seen her a couple of times. She's pretty new around here."
People shake their heads sympathetically, "It's tough, ya know. You hear about that kinda shit happening, but it don't really get to you until it happens in your own neighborhood. Shit."
Lucy turns her beer up, and finishes it off. She looks up into John's hard face, with all it's premature wrinkles and scars, that he used to wear like a badge, testimony to a violent, hip desperation, but it doesn't mask the love and concern practically beaming from his face. She takes his hand, tracing over the lines, scars, and calluses, with her finger. Their fingers intertwine and close together. He pulls her hand to his lips, and kisses each finger, then holds it to his chest. The smile slowly returns to her face.
"You ok?"
She looks at him dry eyed, her head tilted to the side a bit, and the smile broadening. "Yea. I’m ok. It just all caught me off guard. It just tore me up. But I'm getting better." She nods, reassuring herself.
Vicky brings over another round, skillfully maneuvering around Blake who has dropped to one knee pleading, "C'mon, Vick, just one dance..."
"Sorry, Blake, I'm working!"
She sets the drinks down, and takes the empties. She smiles warmly, taps the table, and goes back to work, skillfully maneuvering around Hank, "Hey hey, Vicky, when are we going out?"
"I gotta boyfriend for crying out loud!"
John and Lucy look at each other; look into each other, knowing where the other is in their hearts and heads, without needing to say a word. Words have never been all that necessary with them anyway. When they're together all the ugliness and stench of the world fades away, the hate and rage fade away, but most importantly, the cold and loneliness fades away.
They drink their beers, happy, pushing death and rape and tomorrow as far out of their minds as they can. John settles up the tab, and they head home.
The rain has left the night cool, there's a breeze and an unusual calm. The clouds are moving out, leaving the moon shining bright. They walk slowly back to the apartment, his arm around her shoulders, and her arm around his waist, hugging each other close and tight.
The neighborhood is mostly dark; the only place still open is the Store 24. Many apartment windows only have the blue glow from their apartment windows. Lucy stops John under a streetlight, she wraps her arms around his neck, and their lips melt together under the yellowish light.
They both taste like whiskey and beer. They both taste good. "I love you" is said with a touch.
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